Lover's Prayer

Oh God, you who are beyond all calling or knowing, listen to my call now, and let me know you.

I have experienced great pain in my search for happiness, in my attempts to fill the void within me.
My failures and wanderings have brought me little but sorrow. My hand and my eye are gone, and in their place, an enduring phantom pain remains.

I have sought you, whether through my studies or through my depraved cravings for intimacy, by way of which many people were hurt. I have thirsted and longed for you, in my numbness and in my aroused passion.

Regardless of what I sought, regardless of what I applied to my wounds as balm, it was you I sought. For you alone are the Lover who will never leave,
the Supporter who will build me up,
 the Wife who will give my labor meaning,
 the Seductress whose charms will hold my wandering gaze,
 the Heart that will always desire me, even when I feel undesirable.

Be not far from me, my Love. Be not overlong. My hurt is deep, and it knows only one source of lasting relief. Do not leave me alone with my pain, or I will die.

You are not beautiful; beauty is not a quality anyone can attribute to you, because you are the beautiful itself. You are beauty, the beauty I seek, the beauty that captures me, that heals, that holds me.

See past my words, into my heart. Let thinking cease and loving begin. Help me to see you in all places and in all things.

I will be grateful always that it was you who first desired me, who first reached out to me, you who first gave Herself to me, you who first loved me.

I shall have you, and you shall have me. You need only say when.

Until then, my Love.